Now That’s Cold: Awesome Frozen Treats in the OC

Quick: Name the first food that your mind associates with summer. Got it? Good.

Chances are, your snap blurt consisted of some variation of the concept of barbecue, be it grilling, cookout, or lovingly charring various meats in differing stages of deliciousness. And that’s fine and dandy. Seeing as how I’ve used this very space many of times to declare my unconditional love for all things bedazzled with grill marks, I think it’s fairly obvious that I not only don’t blame you, but I’m right there with you. Yet despite the awesome power and allure of the ‘cue, there undoubtedly was a dedicated cadre of you whose synapses virtually froze over whilst images of cool, refreshing deserts and treats filled your cranial space. To which I say thank goodness that the lot of you exist, because your point of view is as equally as cherished and treasured as the one shared by my primeval carnivore brethren. In fact, your mindset makes a lot more sense when you break it down within the confines of meteorological metrics. After all, what bit of food is more satisfying on a nether regionally sweltering day – a runny dollop of soft, sweet ice cream hitting the valley of your tongue, or a chunk of beef that has just been licked by flames for ten minutes? Even a protein proponent such as me has no other choice to concede that the former is vastly superior.

Regardless of whether a person is a soldier in the sweet tooth army or a meat person, when it comes to seeking out and indulging in your innermost frosty culinary fantasies, the knee-jerk response for most folks is to not merely scream for ice cream, but howl bloody murder for the substance. It’s certainly my reactionary selection; after all, I adore it to the point that I can nary remember a time when I indulged in a lick of the creamy concoction and turned my nose at in disdain. However, rather than going on a multi-page diatribe on the delights of Orange County’s legion of ice cream joints (as well as its cousins, frozen yogurt and gelato), I’d rather zero in on some of the other fantastic OC delights you can conjure up in your brain before it freezes. Heck, you know where your favorite ice cream and froyo joints are in your neighborhood (even if that happens to be the freezer section of the local Fresh & Easy), so you can go there any old time you want. But there are other cool delights about the county that more than make up for their lack of neighborhood convenience by being simply epic.

Take shakes, for example. Now, before you point to your local Jack in the Box and shout “J’accuse” in an attempt to brand me as a hypocrite, let me explain. I’m not talking about your obligatory piece of the Neapolitan triumvirate that may or may not have been doctored with a cookie or two – oh, no. Rather, I’m talking about progressive frigid beverages here; thick drinks that incorporate a little more surprise behind their slurp. Portillo’s in Buena Park takes chocolate cake and converts it into shake form. 25 Degrees in Huntington Beach whips up a terrific Guinness concoction. Both coastal locations of Harbor House Café serve up a sublime blueberry version. And lest we forget about the epic date shake to be had at Ruby’s Shake Shack over in Crystal Cove; a treat so diabolical, you can easily look past the corporate branding that has been saddled upon the venerable seaside joint.

That’s not to say that anything with a familiar name is not worthy of your patronage. In fact, there’s no way to make that kind of a claim anymore now that Farrell’s is back in business down in Mission Viejo. What person over the age of 35 doesn’t have fond childhood memories of this place? The old-timey décor; the booming large drum that was thumped during special occasions; the weird fact that an entire generation of kids were actually encouraged to gorge themselves on decadent delights like they were riding shotgun with Pinnochio to Pleasure Island (two words: Pig’s Trough). After the chain’s inexplicable demise in the ‘80s, it truly is great to see that Farrell’s has finally had a comeback. Granted, it’s not quite as raucous and spirited as it was back in the day, but there are still plenty of opportunities for you to boldly laugh at the thought of developing type-two diabetes.

If the prospect of delving into a dessert that comes from a menu subsection titled “belly busters” doesn’t appeal to you, yet you are still looking to wax nostalgic in a unique and adventurous way, might I suggest that you bite into a Mexican popsicle, also known as a paleta. Creamy yet sturdy and ranging from sweet and fruity to spicy and potent, these wood-embedded sticks of goodness have long been the staple of push carts in many a Latino neighborhood. Yet the random mobility of these wheeled snackwagons has given the infectious delights the regrettable reputation for being the OCs most elusive dessert. Thankfully, all one has to do these days is hop in their vehicle and tool on over to Stanton’s La Flor de Mexico, where a vast multitude of lick-worthy prospects is waiting to send your palate into pure bliss. That being said, if you are driving around and happen upon a middle-aged Hispanic man clanging a shrill bell while dutifully trudging along a sidewalk behind a humble cart, it’s never a bad idea to pull your ride over and reward yourself for making such a find.

Speaking of treats on a stick, any worthy list touting OC frozen treats would be sorely lacking if a shout out was not given to this Balboa Island’s Sugar ‘N’ Spice. After all, they did invent the frozen banana, which has long been the quintessential Orange County summertime treat. The formula has been the same since 1946: Banana; chocolate; nuts; served frozen. That is all. But that is truly all that is needed here. Plus, enjoying the elongated sweet in hand gets infinitely better when you stroll the joint’s iconic neighborhood.

While all of these treats are undeniably worthy of your attention, there is one particular treat that I feel compelled to command that you indulge in this summer: Frozen custard. If you spent an extended time frame in the Midwest, chances are the words “frozen custard” make your ears crackle with utter delight. If you haven’t, then you really have no idea how deprived your life has been. Made with egg yolk to give it a thicker, smoother consistency, frozen custard is what ice cream wants to be when it grows up. And yet, for whatever odd reason, Marc Burger’s at Macy’s Signature Kitchen is the only place in the OC where you can dig into in this diabolical delight. You should not be discouraged by its mall setting, nor deterred by the fact that vanilla is their lone flavor profile. None of that stuff matters in the grand scheme of things. The substance is worth sequestering a plane ticket to exotic places like St. Louis, let alone taking a journey to the center of Crystal Court. So just go there and enjoy, already!